Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Buggin'

Lately, I have REALLY needed running-  more so even than usual.  As you know, the main reason I run is to try to create some sort of order out of chaotic life and brain.  And for the past two weeks, my OCD/anxiety has been through the roof.  Presumably because of all of the changes in my life (getting married, starting school, balancing work/school/life, etc.)  These are all very positive events, but they are nonetheless quite stressful, especially when one is functioning with too few of the good chemicals- endorphins and seratonin, and a few too many of some others, like adrenaline.  Now I've lived with OCD and anxiety my whole life, but some times are worse than others, and this is without a doubt one of those times.  The days are not too terrible, but the nights are downright awful.  I usually have no problem falling asleep, but I have been, without fail, waking up around 5 a.m. every morning-- meaning I've been getting about 4 or 5 hours of sleep since returning from our honeymoon two weeks ago.  UGH.  There's nothing worse than waking up, exhausted, and not being able to go back to sleep due to all the incessant and pointless worrying.  There's no other way to put it:  it SUCKS.  Big Time.  Obviously, running is a God-send for relieving stress, but lately, I feel as though I could run a full marathon everyday, and still wake up at 5 with excess mental energy.  JUST GO TO SLEEP, BRAIN!  

As stated, I've dealt with this stuff in one form or another since the age of approximately ten, and while I know it's cyclical, and I will (hopefully) soon be out of this particular funk, it doesn't make it any less exhausting.

I've been without medication and any sort of formal therapy for a while now, but it's become clear that I need to get back into it.  It's just a bit too much to handle on my own right now.  So I've located someone who appears to be really great with dealing with my specific problems.  And not only is he a licensed health pro specializing in anxiety, but he is also a seasoned yoga teacher, so he combines a lot of yoga with the CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), as well as meditation.  I'm very excited about this combination, as I've been feeling the need for some yoga and meditation in my life (yes, yes- I know the title of this blog insinuates that all I need is running, but let's face it-- while they both produce those feel-good chemicals, they are quite different).  I think it would behoove me to...slow.....down.  My mind needs to rest and be still (or at least as much as it can) for a while each day.  

So, uh...that may be more about the workings of my brain than you needed to know, but it feels good to put it all down on  paper  this blog, and besides- I warned you early on that this would be slightly self-indulgent.  Kinda like reading my diary, with the omission of all the boys I've kissed, and what color I'm painting my nails.

In other news, my 7 miler along the Hudson was absolutely STUNNING tonight.  I meant to snap some photos, but my feet didn't want to stop moving, and so thus, I give you nothing but what you can create in your imagination!  I didn't feel like 7 was quite enough, so I walked an additional 1.25 after that.  I've grown a bit bored with Central Park, and I've discovered that running NORTH on the river from our apartment is WAY BETTER than running SOUTH.  Just a prettier view, wider paths, and less cyclists.    

In other, OTHER news, D and I will be traveling to PA this weekend for my...dum dum dum!:  TEN YEAR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION!  Oh mah Gawd.  I cannot, cannot believe it's been ten years.  It's insanity.  Will be very nice to see everyone, and to also get some amazingly beautiful, peaceful runs in around this place, which is located four miles from my parents' home.  I leave you with this picture, which is where I will be.  (Jealous?)  

Reservior